Allison Holker Boss’s wife from Witch How talks to her children about his death

This story discusses suicide. If you or someone you know is going through a crisis, call 988 to access the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also contact the network, formerly the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 800-273-8255or text HOME to 741741 or visit For additional resources.

Stephen “tWitch” Boss’ death came as a shock to many around the world, including his wife, Alison Holker Boss.

The beloved dancer and DJ of “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” died by suicide in December at the age of 40. In her first TV interview since his death, Holker Boss — who’s honoring her husband’s legacy through the Move With Kindness Foundation that launched earlier this year — opened up to Hoda Kotb about what life was like without her beloved husband.

“I still feel like I’m in the world where I’m still traumatized,” Holker Boss told Kotb. “No one prepared for that moment and no one saw it coming. No one — and it breaks my heart, too.”

The two women sat down for a passionate talk. NBC/Nathan Congleton/NBC

Holker Boss, shocked by Boss’s death, adds that she feels “so sad” that he was suffering “and we didn’t know it.”

“He wanted to be the strong one for everyone and I think it was a little scary for him to think he might need to ask for help,” she adds. “It was a lot of love and light. He really wanted to be Superman for everyone, and he said that a lot.”

Boss and Holker Boss appeared together on So You Think You Can Dance in 2010. They married on December 10, 2013 and share three children together.

Wesley adopted the 14-year-old daughter of Holker Boss, and they have a son, Maddox, 7, and a daughter, Zaya, 3. The dancer says that she and their children have had good days and bad, but they are trying their best to move on.

“I look at you and you look very strong to me,” Qutb asks. “Is this for you? For the children? For the world?”

“I think it’s for all of them,” says Holker Boss. “I have no other choice but to be strong.”

“Now, they still see me having my highs and lows because there are so many of them,” she continues. “All I can do is just try to move on.”

The mother of three speaks with Huda.Nathan Congleton/NBC

Holker Boss says she also had to manage difficult conversations with children.

“It’s honestly not something I would wish on anyone,” she said, tearfully. “But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that communication is key.”

“There were some really tough conversations,” she continues. “For us, Dad is in the stars. So we can go out and talk to him whenever we want. … They just ask, ‘When is Daddy coming back?’ And that’s really hard.”

And then a couple of weeks later, “But does he come back when he’s older?” Like, when your dad gets older will he come back? “But they’re still kids and they obviously still want him here.”

Boss and Holker Boss shared three children together. NBC/Nathan Congleton/NBC

As for Holker Boss, she herself has had those moments when she thinks, “Did I miss something?”

“I did that a lot in the beginning,” she says. “In the end I had to tell myself, I can’t change anything that happened.”

What they had, she says, was magical and real. “And I think that was the hardest part of all of this. The way we loved was so great,” she says of their relationship. “I spent 13 years with one of the most magical human beings and I learned so much about love and gratitude.”

She adds that she talks to him every night.

“Sometimes it’s more like ‘I took the kids to school,’ and other times it’s a little deeper, a little heavy,” she says. “I don’t allow myself to be in a place of anger or sadness, even though I allow myself to feel it. I feel so much pain because I have so much love.”

Holker Boss says she asks him questions “all the time”, wondering if “maybe one day there will be big answers”.

Fortunately, she has found comfort in the outpouring support of fans and friends like Ellen DeGeneres.

“It’s been a huge support system for me,” she says. “And he talked about the fun memories we had with him. We have to live on those great memories we had.”

Many struggle in silence like Boss. Studies show that 1 in 5 adults suffer from a mental illness each year. Now, Holker Boss and her family are honoring her husband’s legacy by partnering with their local chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, called the Boys and Girls Clubs of America’s Nami Westside LA Programs.

“What I really hope is to spread awareness about mental health, open up conversations, but I hope to help people feel comfortable asking for that help,” says Holker-Boss. “I really want to make an impact on behalf of someone I love so much.”

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